Reframing Reality
As an executive coach, I’ve worked with leaders navigating mergers, managing boardroom tensions, scaling startups, and rebuilding after failure. I’ve also worked with couples, founders, and CEOs who seem to have it all—but feel utterly stuck. The patterns may look different, but the root is often the same: they’re trying to change the situation instead of the thought.
Let me introduce you to a deceptively simple model that can transform not only how you lead—but how you live.
The STEAR Model: Thought First, Not Situation First
S – Situation
T – Thought
E – Emotion
A – Action
R – Result
Every single result you’re experiencing—professionally, personally, relationally—can be reverse-engineered with this model. But most people are trying to build the house from the roof down. They blame the situation (the economy, the employee, the marriage, the market) for the result.
Here’s the truth: you can’t change the situation until you change the thought.
Thoughts Are Not Facts
Let’s say a key client leaves unexpectedly. The situation is neutral—yes, even that. It’s a data point. But then comes the thought:
“We’re failing.”
“I’m not a good leader.”
“This always happens to me.”
That thought triggers emotion: panic, frustration, self-doubt. The emotion drives action: maybe you lay off too quickly, rush into a new deal out of desperation, or freeze entirely. And what do you get? A result that matches the original, unchallenged thought. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
But what if you interrupted the pattern?
“This is an opportunity to reassess.”
“I wonder what this is making room for.”
“We’re being guided toward the right fit.”
The situation hasn’t changed—but the thought has. And so the emotion changes (curiosity, calm, creativity), and with it, the action changes. You respond instead of react. You lead instead of panic.
Why Marriages Fail and Executives Flail
This model applies everywhere: in boardrooms, bedrooms, and brainstorming sessions. Most people think:
“I don’t like the result, so I need to change the situation.”
That’s why people leave marriages prematurely, fire valuable employees out of fear, and abandon companies that are one pivot away from greatness.
But changing the situation without changing the thought is like switching lanes without looking in the mirror. You carry the wreckage with you. Because you didn’t address what really caused the crash: your interpretation of the event, not the event itself.
Reframing: The High-Performance Habit
Reframing is not denial. It’s design. It’s the discipline of choosing a thought that serves your highest potential instead of your deepest programming.
It’s asking:
- What am I making this mean?
- Is there another possible interpretation?
- What thought would better serve the result I desire?
Reframing doesn’t mean toxic positivity. It means executive responsibility. It means taking control of the only lever you actually own: your thoughts.
The Bottom Line
If you’re not getting the results you want, don’t rush to change the situation. Start by challenging the thought. In a world addicted to reacting, the leaders who pause to reframe are the ones who build empires—both external and internal.
